This friday she will be one!

Wow, where has time gone this week I have been doing alot of thinking about Audrey, She is such a blessing. A blessing I almost lost. I will never forget the pain of them taking her away. Not knowing if she would live or die. I had felt robbed of having my last baby, what should of been a moment of pure joy turned into a scary moment. All the codes being called me unable to move I just sat there a watched I couldn't help her I couldn't save her, I couldn't even hold her! I could hear her Gasping for each and every breath. Everyone looking at me like they were so sorry!, I held her for what seemed like forever while looking into her eyes, we just stared at each other, I felt her pain I felt her fear, I felt so connected to her in such a way I had ever felt. I willingly and quickly gave her back. I knew that if I was to hold her any longer she may die. Die in my arms NO way was that going to happen. she was fighting to breath. When they gave her to me they all thought it was a good bye I know it. When they left the room I had never ever in my life cried as hard as I did. I couldNOT look at Chad with out feeling like I may just break under all the pressure. I knew he was in the same pain I was in. We sat in the room I labored in and gave birth in for 2 hours, not knowing if My sweet baby girl would live or die. I had never felt so helpless. Just Chad and I, no family, no support, nothing.
3 hours later I was looking at my daughter through a isolet in the NICU, she was the biggest baby in there she filled the whole crib LOL being 10 lbs 3 oz and 21 inches long in the NICU is just not the norm LOL
Then the words came out of the NICU nurse "she is ok she will be fine You can hold her soon!" I then broke down again and bawled like a baby. Now tears of joy just as painful as the tears of sadness.
I will never forget when I was in my room and they brought her to me, they placed her in my arms IVs hanging out all bundled up tight in her blanket looking beautiful. Her pudgy cheeks her wonderful grey eyes. I had never felt so warm. I knew at that moment I was Blessed in an amazing way. God has plans for this little girl I can feel it.