will it stop?

Do you ever notice when something bad or even a small bad happens everything is in slow motion as you watch all the things in your life go down hill. I never hardley ever get a bad thing admidst happiness, it always bad thing compiled into a large section of my life so that I become so overwhelmed that I hole up and wait for the world to leave me the Hell alone! well that is where I am at again. I wont go into the boring details of all the crap, but today I had a person in my life that use to abuse me physicaly and mentally actually come up to me get in my face and start tell me how mad they were, not even at me The look that was in his eye brought back all the pain, fears, low self cofidence and the want to run away from my life forever all came flooding back again! it was like I was a kid again but this time my kids were watching it happen to me as I stood there unable to say a word! I failed my children I didnt' show them that what was happening was not an acceptable thing. No one said anything like it had not happened just like when I was a kid! then sarah brought the silence why is P&^* in the truck I said so he can throw his temper tantrum alone just like he should be is alone! I was sad. So now my children lose out as well because he after all these long years can not control his anger or his words. Why do I let him have such a strong hold????
I now have to run to DHS another place that has controll over me, then I get to go to the bank to get a money order to pay for $95 speeding ticket i got on saterday grrrrrrrr! all the while I have all 4 girls because I have no help. I am under so much stress from other things I have not even spoke of that my stomach is churning inside and my head feels like it may explode fun! told ya I would vent someday shelly! LOL